2020 was a game changer for me. I had ovarian in cancer and it was Covid times. It was a line in the sand. Coming out the other side I had to answer questions about who I was and what I was doing with my life.
Things changed around me that I had to adapt to. I no longer had a sense of self. Whose clothes were they in my wardrobe? Was I being authentic and doing what my heart asked of me? I was another me. Another version of me. I had to understand what that meant. I struggled with this juggling of the two selves for a while. I was still working at the hospital. But I couldn’t function in that capacity in the way that I did before my operation. I wasn’t physically capable of doing my role for long periods of standing. I also wasn’t emotionally capable of supporting the medical and surgical procedures like I had before my own operation. It took a while to accept my situation, but eventually I left the security of a monthly paid job.
From a clothes point of view, I discovered the selling site Vinted. That was a blessing and a curse. I could scroll through and find outfits to suit the character that I thought was perhaps me. I could experiment with that on a relatively inexpensive way. However, I also discovered about myself that in times of stress, I would reach for that app and self soothe by purchasing an outfit. Buying clothes wasn’t the issue. The issue was buying it when I was stressed out. I moved the app to the back of my phone. Being aware of my actions I was able to have a conversation with myself before a purchase.
I have also struggled with my hair. It went through some weird hormone changes that meant having to cut it off a while back. My curls suddenly dropped out. The ends became like Cotton wool and they didn’t seem to be anything I could do to solve that. So, I decided I had to have my hair cut short. I also bought a range of vitamins to help. I’d also tried various shampoos and conditioners. I have sensitive skin and so this can be problematic. However, I discovered arrange called Champo. It’s rooted in Ayurvedic systems and had some supplements specifically for Hair and Nails. I grew my hair back but it wasn’t the same. The short hair didn’t feel like me and now this long hair didn’t feel like me either. The high maintenance it needed to keep it “the way it was” was exhausting. This has been true of many situations in my life, not just my hair. I knew from experience it had to be released.
I sat in the hairdresser’s chair with my Pinterest board of haircuts. I told Marc what I wanted. We discussed colour options because I knew the blonde was killing my hair now. I’m not a high maintenance kinda girl…more wash and go!
Anyway, this is the result. I’m posting so you can see me as I am now. It honestly feels like a weight has lifted. I don’t know what that’s about. We are still in the midst of supporting Jasper my dog with his amputation operation and it’s a slow process. Life is not perfect. But it’s perfectly forming. Lipstick always helps! There was an economic study a while ago that concluded one of the last things a woman gave up in times of economic hardship was lipstick and if they did that the economy was REALLY in trouble. I think it’s a trait that I have. I try and try and try until there’s nothing left to give. When I recognise that fact, I know that I must move on for my own well-being. It’s a habit that has recurred in many things of my life.
In summary life is still throwing lemons. But sometimes you know what you must do and just do it. It’s always different on the other side. I’m changing what need to be changed in my own way. It’s the small differences that take you there most of the time. Like making a cake…a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Finding the small things in life that bring you joy.
I’ve also been attending a lot of training courses. I’m working on my ancestral lines. This is still working progress. A tale for another day. I have also been understanding how to understand the magic of placing crystals on Meridian lines of both the body and the Earth. Working in a new way to release historical and ancestral energy. Sound healing and tuning forks using sacred geometry has complimented this work in a way that I never anticipated.
On the one hand it’s a frivolous post….Sheila’s new hair. But on the other hand, it’s a tale of choices and doing what your heart tells you. Following your nudges. Even at a very human level in a small way to keep the spark alive and so you recognise me when you see me.
